Surreal is the word that I would use to describe today, well actually the last 48 hours. As I went to church this morning before going to the airport I was blessed abundantly financially and spiritually. God reminded me that even though I may doubt he is always faithful, even if it is at that last minute. God doesn't do things on our time he does it on his. When I told God two and a half months ago that I would go to Thailand I never imagined feeling the way that I did when it was actually time to leave. It was extremely emotional and difficult for me. Over the last couple of months all that I could think about was what it would be like when I stepped through security and I would wave to my family one more time. I thought as soon as I got through I would be overcome with excitement and there would be no doubt. But if I said when the moment came that's how it was I would be lying. The moment when I turned to wave at my family through the glass of security all I wanted to do was run back through that gate and hug them all again and not let go. In that moment God reminded me of the commitment I made to him 5 years ago when I said "send me I will go". Going, that what I'm doing and going is the first step.Three months ago God opened this door and gave me an amazing opportunity that was his plan. Not my plan but his. 6 months ago I would have never imagined that I would be doing this but I am. 6 months ago my dreams were my own, but today I am living out Gods dreams and Nothing can bring be me more happiness than that.
This first 5 hours of traveling were first filled with tears. Tears because I left my family, the closest thing to me. Tears because I was scared and tears because I there was no turning around. While trying to gain my composure and become excited again I began listening to worship music, which in my life makes 99% of situations better. As soon as I did a peace came over me. God reminded me that he is fulfilling the desires of my heart, the desires that he placed there. Psalm 37:4."Delight yourself in the lord and he will give you the desires of your heart" I began thinking about when I was first called to missions and how ready I was to just go! That's what I'm doing, surrendering MY life and letting it be for the call that I have. I started picturing what its going to be like to spend my days loving on and playing with the kids. Seeing their smiles and hearing their laughs as they live in the freedom that Jesus has given them. I started thinking why was I ever doubting what I was doing and excitement came over me again.
Sitting in LAX I was able to take some time and call my closest friends and family, that brought a lot of comfort and encouragement to me. While I was on the phone with my dad we began talking about things the he had read about Mae Sot (the city where I will be living) he talked about the things that were good to buy there and the things that the city was known for. He reminded me that the two largest things are the black market drug trade and the trafficking of people. We discussed my safety and I shared with him that yes I am worried but I know that if God called me to it he will see me through it. Although while saying that I began to worry more about what my days would be like and how safe I really would be. Pushing those feelings aside I finished up my phone conversations and boarded the plane for my 18 hour flight.
For the first 10 hours I mainly slept only waking up to eat. I watched a movie and then began reading my book "Kisses from Katie". A book about a 19 year old girl who gave up her entire life to move to Uganda because that's what God told her to do. I'm only 10 pages in but God is already using it so much to speak to me, I've gone through and highlighted some things that I felt like we're speaking right to me. That related to the emotions I am feeling about taking this huge step in my life.
"People often ask me if my life is dangerous, if that I am afraid. I tell them that I am much more afraid of remaining comfortable. Matthew 10:28 says not to fear things that can destroy the body but things that can destroy the soul.... I am living in the midst of uncertainty and risk, amid the things that can and do bring physical destruction, because I am running from the things that can destroy my soul: complacency, comfort and ignorance. I am much more terrified of living a comfortable life in a self-serving society and failing to follow Jesus than I am of any illness or tragedy."
This next one really brought me reassurance, hope and comfort.
"Jesus called his followers to be a lot of things but I have yet to find where he warned us to be safe. We are not called to be safe, we are simply promised that when we are in danger, God is right there with us. And there is no better place to be than in his hands."
For all of the people that are worried about my safety that does mean that I am going to put myself in dangerous situations, God did also give us wisdom and discernment. That passage just made me realize that I don't need to worry, God is here with me. I am doing what he has called me to do and he is with me every step of the way.
I have 3 hours and 45 minutes until my long flight is over. Meaning I'm one step closer to Mae Sot my new home.
Serving him,
Katie
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